Ice cream and Bubble gum.

Jane is 8.
She is funny, clever, smart, thoughtful, kind, creative, a deep-thinker. She is quick to help and aware of the needs and feelings of those around her.
Early this spring we noticed a worrisome trend. Our happy-go-lucky girl had become Sad. More than sad. I began keeping track of the number of times she told me she was "bad" or "horrible". It was heart-breakingly often. Her typical response to a simple, kind reminder (Please chew with your mouth closed...) was to break down crying, "I'm such a bad girl. I'm a horrible bad girl."

I went to the school to watch, to see what I could see... and what I saw didn't surprise me a bit. Jane was cheerful! She was surrounded by friends, boys and girls. She was laughing, having fun, learning. But, she came home a different child.

Now, lots of kids have sad days, lots of kids go through things. We know that. In fact, just last night we had the "Why you go to public school" discussion with one of our kids. But this was different. This wasn't a specific bullying event, or a bad teacher (her teacher was amazing.) This was a slow deterioration of Jane's feelings of self worth. The child who used to bounce back was becoming slower and slower at picking up the pieces and carrying on.

The answer of how to help her came very clearly: We needed her home, to build her up.

Three months later: Jane is Jane again. We have found her! I feel like I have my daughter back. She is normal, some days are happy and sometimes she feels sad, but she doesn't stay sad for long, I think she is remembering how special she is. Here is a recent incident that told me we had done the right thing:

We walked into Wal-Mart. Typically I have been having Jane help me write the list and cross things off as we go. This morning though, we had rushed out the door without time to make a list. As we walked into the store I turned to her and said, "Ok Jane, What is on our list?" 3 months ago, she would have looked at me, stricken, and began to wimper then cry, "I didn't write a list, nobody told me to, I'm sorry!!!" Full on sadness would ensue and she would eventually tell me how bad she is.

This day though, she turned to me, with that sparkle in her eye that had been missing and said as quickly as if she was reading the list in her hand, "Ice cream-- and bubble gum."

And then it was my turn to cry in Wal-Mart.

Boy had I missed my Jane, and boy am I lucky to have her with me everyday.